What Are You Feeding? 

Hard things are harder when you’re by yourself. Having community around in you whatever you are facing is key in order to survive. I was reminded of that this morning as a dear friend faced an unknown all alone, and as I worked harder than ever at the gym with my brother beside me. 

Here’s a brief update on this lazy girl’s adventure of fitness: 

Day 10: 

went to the YMCA with my brother and I started slow but I pushed myself for a longer workout than usual. He works out hard, and regularly, so I had to keep up. 

-ate a big lunch with my family. I’m no longer as concerned about the amount that I’m eating. Quality is more important to me than quantity at this point. 

{that’s partially because I like higher quality food, and partially because I don’t have the energy right now to fight a battle I will continue to lose.Dieting is not a good tactic for me, and I have to make that call because I know myself. I know I will continue to be discouraged in this journey if I am too focused on how much I eat. I love food. So I’m going to feed myself. Period. 

Another thing I realized this morning while doing bicep curls in front that really big mirror every gym has is that I am ~still~ concerned about what other people think. I know in reality no one else is watching me because they’re all too worried about what they’re doing to notice my 10lb bicep curls. But why did I feel inadequate with those 10lb barbells in my hand? In a moment where I should have been feeling accomplished and confident, I was letting fear of the opinions of others keep me from embracing the moment. The fun of working out was fading and being replaced with worry and stress.

Why do we continue to let unrealistic fears determine our actions and the level of progress we make?

This has got to stop. It is a never ending struggle – but why? I want to just leave it behind. 

This frustration leads me only to look towards the one who is constantly pleased with my performance. I can do nothing to make him turn away from me, and I can’t disappoint him. Even if I’m not feeling confident in myself, I can be confident in the fact that he believes in me. He has filled me with brilliance and joy, talent and strength. So I feed into that, and focus on it.

Whether I’m lifting ten pounds or forty, eating a burger and fries or carrots, living my life with vibrancy and joy or just makin it through the day – He is pleased, and loving, and I am confident. 


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