I want to share a little bit of what has been going on with me as I get back into the habit of writing regularly. Even though it seems kind of facetious, sometimes I really do feel as though “psycho, but cute” is an accurate description. Anyway…..
Thank you for reading these. This “5 in 5” thing turned into “5 in 7” but, in these 7 days I have already learned a lot about myself and my writing. Like how easy it is to not write everyday, or how hard it is to find topics when I am actually trying to write everyday! I would be embarrassed to tell you how many times I considered dropping this little project once I started. Then I realized the desire to drop it as a bright, red flag in my heart signifying a tendency to give up, and a lack of discipline in the little things. Yikes. Can’t quit now….
My friends were asking me this week, “what is it like to have a blog?!” I think they were expecting me to be all excited or say something like “it’s so great omg I love it”. But instead they got my honest answer,
Writing and publishing my work on the Internet is absolutely terrifying.
It’s a moment of such intense vulnerability every time I click upload on my site. Every time I share the link on Facebook I hesitate. Every time I post it on my Instagram I have quite a few moments where I fear what others will think of me, and my writing. And if my writing were the only thing up for criticism or the only thing people were reading, that would not concern me. My writing has been under scrutiny for years, and I know how to deal with persnickety English teachers. But my blog is not just my “writing”. It’s my heart. I choose to be open and vulnerable when I write. I choose to share my heart and passions. Imagine if a microphone were hooked up to your thoughts during the day, or that a transcript of your ideas and opinions was constantly being typed up on a billboard. That is what it feels like for me to publish my writing.
It’s terrifying. But it’s also exhilarating. I know that I am not supposed to keep it all locked up in my mind. Jesus told me a long time ago that I was a writer.
Writers are passionate, vulnerable, opinionated people who are, historically, trailblazers.
I’m a writer. Which means I can never choose to not write. I can never choose to not be vulnerable. I can never choose to not be opinionated (although I think anyone would tell you I’ve never had a problem with that last one). I have to blaze my trail with my pen! Ernest Hemingway is one of my greatest literary idols so here’s a quote:
Thanks again to those of you who read my blog – I need you! 💜