Dresses, colors, appointments, emails, phone calls; sometimes I feel like these are all I can think about in this season of being engaged. But, yesterday I had a mini epiphany. While engagement is a season of its own, it is also a season of transition in so many ways. With this awareness my newest challenge has become how to enjoy this season without losing focus of what I am transitioning into. Because- to be real – my marriage, my life that will begin in November, is my priority. While dresses and menus and color schemes are important right now, I am learning to not let them run the show.
I keep thinking through all of the “what if’s”. Like, what if I get so wrapped up in my Pinterest wedding ideas I end up making my own wedding into something I don’t really even like? What if I try to make everything go exactly as I have hypothetically planned that I stifle any room for spontaneous fun? Or, the biggest one, what if I get so wrapped up in the shenanigans of making this day so perfect and wonderful that I don’t take any time to prepare my heart for the covenant I am about to enter into?
I do not want to risk that.
I do not want to risk entering into my marriage a tired woman crashing from 10 months of glorified party planning. I do not want to cause myself to be disappointed by my first experiences as a wife because I was only excited for my wedding day.
This time, this transition, is unlike any other I will experience in my life. I want to pack every moment, every meeting, every party and every tear-filled hug with so much joy and appreciation that it is oozing with happiness. Because when it’s all over, when the wedding and honeymoon are done, and Austin and I are sitting at home watching Netflix (there’s no denying it’s going to happen) – I want to look back and think “I’m so glad I was intentional enough to enjoy all of that.”
I hear so many happily married women say, “I wish I had enjoyed the planning more,” or “I wish I had thought about what would really be important to us on our wedding day.”
Creating the wedding I’m “supposed” to have is such a temptation. With every major decision I have to ask myself if I actually like that choice or if I just think it’s pretty or cool. But, just to be real, I don’t want a “cool” or trendy wedding. I don’t want a perfectly color-coordinated, accurately executed wedding. I want someone to wear an unexpected color. I want mismatched table settings. And if something hilarious happens to throw the whole ceremony off course then all the better! These are the things I have to remind myself of, because these are the things that are important.
What’s important is that I’m marrying my best friend. The most hilarious, goofiest,23-year-old boy in the world. Just to be real, I don’t care nearly as much about anything else as I care about his heart.
So that means wedding planning takes a back seat sometimes. Some days it needs to just be locked in the trunk. And I’m learning that I don’t need to feel bad about that.